When my husband died, I was faced with a future as a single mother of two young boys. I rebelled by marrying too soon, and not wisely. I was thinking about how much I enjoyed my first marriage and that I wanted that again. I was also thinking that my chances of having that were slim at the ripe old age of 36, so instead of waiting until I had experienced any sort of healing from my grief, I plunged into a relationship before I really knew the man. Now, I had higher education and never thought I could be so stupid. But I have later decided that intelligence and matters of grief have very little to do with one another.

Fortunately, the marriage only lasted three years and I was able to receive good counseling shortly thereafter. I learned so much about how I, by being so shut down to my true feelings, opened myself for one of the worst experiences in my life. And I don’t blame him…it was my inability to be real with myself that created the whole mess. Unfortunately my sons suffered the most by being exposed to a very unhealthy home life. Counseling helped them as well.

Here’s what I know now seventeen years later: Grief can have insidious consequences when not acknowledged. Because I was so focused on my fears of the future, worrying about living without someone to take care of me, to aleviate my loneliness, I had exposed myself to a mentally unbalanced individual. I was seduced by all the promises and possibilities of a life with a companion that my radar for disaster was completely turned off. Those gut feelings or intuitive places we all have were checked at the door. Simply put, I was making bad choices all over the place.

The man turned out to be an alcoholic, but since he may only drink once a month, I didn’t recognize that fact. When he did drink, he couldn’t stop that evening and became verbally abusive and physically threatening. My reaction was to try to please him so that he wouldn’t be so angry all the time….the old I can fix this syndrome. I was as mentally unhealthy as I could be!

Now that I have learned about grief and know that the only way out of it is through it, I can look back and forgive myself for not knowing better at the time. (I still am working on the guilt that I exposed my sons to such a sick environment, but trust that that will come, too.) Had I allowed myself to feel my grieving emotions and been able to express them in healthy ways, my life would have been so different. I guess the bottom line is for people experiencing grief to open to the possibility that outside help is a good idea. When one is in deep grief, it can be almost impossible to have good radar in terms of judging how one is doing in the day to day choices being made. Good counsel by a trusted therapist or pastor can make all the difference and I highly recommend it. It could literally save your life. At the very least, it could save you from making severely bad choices.

Thanks for this opportunity to share, Sharon at http://www.sacredjourneyvessels.com

Tags: health, mental stability, well-being

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