No man is an island, so the saying goes. How true. Everyone needs someone. The closest relationship any two persons can have is marriage. But no matter how close two persons are, there can still be problems in the relationship. It is no different in marriage. No matter how strong the marriage relationship, there can still be friction between the marriage partners. This friction if left un-addressed or if addressed wrongly threatens to unravel the very fabric of the marriage. How can you save a marriage like this?
There are times when the couple cannot cope with the stress of an impending breakup. The disagreements, arguments, fights between them seem to perpetuate and escalate. Attempts to reconcile always arrive at a stalemate. There seems to be no solution. In situations like these friends play a major role in saving the marriage.
What Friends Can Do
What can friends do to save your marriage? They can do many things. Their unique position of being close to the marriage but not in it gives friends the ability to see things from a much more objective view. It is from this objective perspective that friends can contribute something unique to help repair a broken marriage.
However there are some caveats when it comes to soliciting the help of friends to save your marriage. The choice of friends is important. You are entrusting your marriage to them, revealing personal details and opening yourselves to them. Therefore, the friends must be mature, wise and trustworthy. They must be able to keep confidence. They must not have any hidden agenda other than to genuinely help save your marriage.
Must the friends be married themselves? Being married would be preferable but not imperative. Obviously a married friend knows from experience what your problems are like. But there can be single friends (never married or once married) who can offer good advice, too depending on the nature of the problem in your marriage.
The Role of Friends
So what are some specific things that friends can do to save your marriage that you probably could not do yourself?
1. They can give objective advice and insights into the problems. Although friends themselves may have a liking for one spouse more than the other, it is still possible to offer an objective viewpoint to any dispute
2. Friends can relieve you of some practical tasks to alleviate your stress in your marriage. In the midst of trying to solve the problems with your spouse, the children still need to go to school; the bills still need to be paid; the errands still needs to be run etc. While you are dealing with issues in your marriage, friends can help carry out these essential tasks.
3. Friends can provide a listening ear and moral support to encourage you to persevere. Your marriage is worth saving no matter what the cost. Having good friends alongside you helps tremendously. This is far better than soldiering on alone.
4. Friends can become your accountability partners where necessary. There are times when you or your spouse may need someone to be accountable to, especially in situations where a third party is involved. For example where there is an affair, friends can lovingly but firmly come between the erring spouse and the third party.
Conclusion
So it is advisable to seek the help of genuine, well-meaning friends to help you save your marriage. Do not think that you don’t need someone else. Resist the temptation to keep things to yourself. Do not wait until it’s too late to get help. Sometimes you need to swallow your pride and admit you need the help of friends in saving your marriage.
Clarence Chan is a minister, counselor and trainer. A husband and father of five children, Clarence has been helping couples improve their marriages for over 20 years. He has spoken and written extensively on marriage issues especially on saving troubled marriages. Today, Clarence continues to give marriage counsel to couples both personally and through his writings, websites and blogs. Visit http://www.savemarriagestoday.com
Tags: friends, help, marriage, save, saving, spouse
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